In the last six months, I have experienced two substantial illnesses that took me the fuck out for two weeks at a time. Even in between COVID and the flu, I had some sort of virus that lasted a few weeks, my kid had the stomach flu in December and during this most recent bout we both had Influenza A together, 10/10 DO NOT RECOMMEND. During the more serious illnesses, I had an intense realization. I was unable to move let alone be a functioning human. I spent probably 22 hours a day in bed between taking care of my son and attempting to take care of myself, I slept as much as I could, and I didn’t talk to hardly anyone. So, what’s this realization I had? The realization was that if I allowed my depression to take over my life, this is what my life would look like. Sleeping 18 hours a day, remaining in the darkness of my room, my phone on DND all day every day, eating like shit (if at all), not working out and isolating from loved ones. Lemme tell ya, it was an awful feeling and I didn’t love it. Physically it was what I needed in order to heal and get better but mentally, it was not a good time. When I had COVID in August, I went two full weeks without working out, the longest I had gone in 8 years since my fitness journey started in 2015. This time around, it was 9 days before I was able to get back on my walking pad and then doing a gentle walking workout afterward. Despite the coughing fits and breaks to blow my nose, it felt so fucking good to move my body. Movement is medicine for your body AND your brain and I never take that for granted.
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When my body forces me to slow down, aka, takes me out with illness, I listen. Are there times I can push through and still move my body? Absolutely, but this was not one of them. I felt so defeated because once the flu hit me, it was so hard to care for my son because getting out of bed was so fucking painful. I’m so thankful to have a mom who is ready and willing to help whenever she can, she made us soup, came and sat with my son to make sure he was hydrating himself, and tended to my house because even simple tasks like taking the garbage out was not happening. As a therapist, I know there are people who struggle with mental illnesses who live their life like this daily. They don’t leave their bed, they don’t move their body, they isolate from loved ones and struggle to do basic activities of daily living. Sometimes, just brushing your teeth is a feat you didn’t think you could accomplish. Other times you feel like you could conquer anything and everything thrown at you. Both times, you are worthy of love and belonging. If we allow our mental illness to consume our entire existence, it WILL. If we DECIDE, I don’t want to continue to allow this, we won’t. Does it take work? Yes. Does it seem daunting sometimes? Yes. Is it worth it? One million fucking percent. If you are struggling to care for yourself, find yourself drowning in emotions, feel like it’s all too much. Know that I see you, and that we have much more power than we give ourselves credit for. Do ONE thing each and every day that pours back into you. Each day focus on what feels good and why we do it, and remember, you fucking got this! ~ Stef