Holy fuck it’s been a minute, actually several minutes, hours, weeks and over a month since I have posted a blog post…..I allowed October to get the best of me and with that I let time slip away but the last two weeks I snatched it back and feel so more alive than I have felt in years. Any whooooo…..okay now that my reintroduction is over, let’s dive in to today’s topic!
I wanna talk about being reactive versus being reflective. Do you know the difference? Let me paint a picture for you. Your partner has been very busy, preoccupied and not giving you much attention. You ponder why, you wonder what you did wrong, or what they are thinking, but you do not dare ask. Instead you become passive aggressive, ignoring their attempts at a connection be in physical or mental, you are short with them when they send you messages, and maybe even a bit of an asshole. You are hurt and you want them to hurt or you want them to know you are hurt without ACTUALLY telling them. THIS is a reactionary response to the stress and emotions you are feeling, these reactions are not necessarily benefitting you in any way, in fact they are likely making the situation worse. You are putting up walls to defend your heart, you are pushing them away in the hopes you won’t hurt even worse. This is an effective way to cope with fear and stress in relationships. This could be with a partner, a friend, or even a family member. These behaviors are often taught or learned by observations of caregivers.
Now let’s explore how you can be reflective in this same scenario. Your partner has been very busy, preoccupied and not giving you much attention. You ponder why, you wonder what you did wrong, or what they are thinking. Instead of becoming defensive, you reach out, “hey, is everything okay, I’ve noticed you have been preoccupied recently, do you wanna talk about it?” Or even just welcoming them with a hug to show you care and you are wanting to show them love. Reflection of the signs they are giving or not giving as well as how you are presenting or not presenting. We don’t live in a vacuum; we are affected by everything and everyone around us. We have an impact on others even when we don’t see it.
The next time you feel the need to put up walls, reply with a bitchy comment, or to completely ignore someone, ask yourself why? Why am I CHOOSING to react this way? Most likely it’s because it’s easier and it’s a habit. Dig deeper, ask yourself if this behavior will help or hurt the situation, reflect on what you can control, which is YOU. You got this boo, no more reactionary, passive aggressive bullshit. We are reflecting, we are thriving and we are growing!
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