I know I’ve talked about this in a previous blog post but it’s something that is weighing heavy on my heart today so I thought fuck it, why not talk about it again. I don’t know about y’all, but when I am hormonal my imposter syndrome SHOOTS THROUGH THE FUCKING ROOF. I convince myself, not just tell myself, I convince myself that I am not cut out for this life I created or the life I feel l deserve and want. I convince myself I am not worthy of abundance and that I am not the person others think I am. Then guess what happens? As soon as my hormones level out, THE BADDEST BITCH ON THE BLOCK IS BACK! I am back to owning my power, to leveling up in all the ways, and to feeling confident in my abilities. I am back to believing in myself, manifesting what I want, taking control back of my emotions and my ability to challenge Karen (the inner bitch in my head trying to take me down) is back and in full effect. I am able to ask myself where the proof is that any of that bullshit I was convincing myself was true. Or challenging the belief that I am not worthy of abundance and telling myself, if it ain’t me then someone else will get it, so why the fuck not me?
Here's the thing, I firmly believe in the law of attraction, manifestation and spell work. I also firmly believe in mental illness/health and the effects it has on a person. Therefore, when I know I am hormonal and my depression is at an all time high (thank you Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder) I allow myself the time and space I need to rest, go dark, and to feel my feelings. Let me repeat that, I allow myself to feel the feelings but I work my ass off to not allow them to stay. It would be so simple for me to convince myself of the shit I say when I’m depressed and continue to live that way, HELLO, I did it for years. Challenging it is NEVER easy, it takes practice just like any other skill. But I know, that I no longer want to be that cynical bitch who believes in nothing, is apathetic and convinced the world is just a terrible place. I have one life to live on this earth and I will no longer allow my mood to dictate how I live it. I am thankful for all of my friends who understand me, to the people who don’t take offense when I don’t’ have the energy to help or to even have a conversation. For so long, I lived my life for other people, did things out of guilt and expectation without taking care of myself. I no longer allow guilt to take over and fully put self-care at the forefront. Are you ready to do the same?
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