I want to talk about suffering. Suffering comes in many colors, shapes, sizes, and acuities. Hear me out, to an extent, I think suffering is a choice. Let me explain before you rip my head off. When it comes to mental anguish, brooding, perseverating, always being negative, being close minded, etc, those are a choice. Let me be clear, I suffer from depression and have been medicated for ten years, do I have spells of times where I am more depressed than usual, yes. Are there circumstances that cause an increase in my depression, also yes. But, is it a choice for me to remain in a depressive state, focus on lack, and focus on what’s wrong? Hell fucking yes, it is. Five years ago, I would have told you to “fuck off” and I would have said “it’s not a choice, I’m a depressed person.” But now, in my mid-thirties, after a shit ton of soul searching, I can tell you, it is a choice for me to remain depressed. Emotions last approximately 20 minutes, anything after that is a choice.
Let me explain, I could easily choose to remain in bed, eat like shit, not workout, drink, and ignore messages from others. Want to know what that does? It keeps me in a depressive state because I am not moving that stagnant energy. Instead, I get up, I move my body, I talk to people, I hug my son, I eat healthy foods to nourish my body and not “comfort” my body and I acknowledge where I am at. I no longer let negativity consume me and take over my entire day. I lived WAY too many years allowing negativity to consume me and for years I was suffering. I am currently reading Existential Kink by Carolyn Elliott, PhD, and she talks extensively about how sometimes we seek out suffering because it is a pattern we have endured and we receive some sort of pleasure from the suffering. When we learn to seek the pleasure, those events no longer trigger us as we learn to receive pleasure from them.
Let’s think about paying bills, nobody enjoys paying bills, but if we change our mindset to show gratitude to the bills we are paying, it feels different. Saying thank you when I write my rent check for allowing my son and I to have a place to live that is safe, feels much better than saying “fuck, I gotta pay rent again this sucks, I hate it.” When we change our attitude from suffering to thriving, things change. Our perceptions change, our circumstances change and our attitudes change. I am not perfect at this, but I for damn sure will not go back to living in misery like I had for so fucking long. Never again, I promise you that!
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