I want to talk about something that may not resonate with all of my readers as not all of you are parents. However, parenting is something near and dear to my little black heart as I am working tirelessly to improve my parenting skills each and every day. In the journey of parenthood, and the rise of social media parenting influencers, a gentle approach that is increasingly gaining recognition and praise – Gentle Parenting. This parenting philosophy emphasizes empathy, understanding, and respectful communication between parents and children. If you are my age or older, I can pretty much guarantee you did not experience gentle parenting! In this blog post, I’ll explore the principles of gentle parenting and how it fosters a nurturing environment for the emotional and intellectual growth of our kids.
1. Understanding Gentle Parenting: Gentle parenting is rooted in the belief that children are INDIVIDUALS with their own thoughts, feelings, and needs. What I see a lot as a therapist, is parents trying to control their children simply because they are children. Gentle parenting encourages parents to approach discipline with empathy rather than punishment, aiming to teach children about the consequences of their actions in a supportive and loving manner. We’re not about corporal punishment and shame over here!
2. Building a Strong Connection: At the core of gentle parenting is the cultivation of a strong parent-child connection. This involves active listening, understanding, and responding to a child's needs with sensitivity. By establishing a secure attachment, children feel safe and supported, leading to healthier emotional development. Secure attachments in childhood DRAMATICALLY improve attachment in adulthood.
3. Effective Communication: Gentle parenting places a significant emphasis on communication. Instead of resorting to yelling or harsh words, parents are encouraged to express their thoughts and feelings calmly. Take a second and think about the last time someone yelled at you. Did you hear ANYTHING they said? Probably not because you were either scared or angry which led to defensiveness and the desire to fight back, kids are no different. When you keep a calm demeanor, children will feel comfortable sharing their own thoughts and emotions without fear of judgment.
4. Positive Discipline: Unlike punitive measures, gentle parenting advocates for positive discipline techniques. This includes setting clear and reasonable boundaries, providing choices, and using natural consequences to teach children responsibility. The focus is on guiding rather than punishing. As far as my own opinion of this goes, I do feel sometimes situations call for more than just natural consequences. In which case, I will remove items that are privileges such as phones or video games for a finite amount of time.
5. Respecting Individuality: Every child is unique, and gentle parenting recognizes and celebrates these differences. It encourages parents to respect their child's individuality, allowing them to explore their interests and develop their own identities within a supportive framework. It also lends to the fact that no two days are the same. Sometimes are kids wake up crabby and have no idea why, model patience and compassion as we know all too well how that feels as adults.
6. Teaching Empathy: Gentle parenting teaches children empathy by modeling it themselves. Parents strive to understand and acknowledge their child's feelings, helping them develop a sense of compassion and consideration for others. Did you grow up hearing “quit crying or I’ll give you something to cry about” or how about “what do you have to be sad about?” Both of those statements invalidate your child’s emotional experience which is completely unfair to them.
7. Encouraging Independence: As children grow, gentle parenting supports the development of independence. Parents provide age-appropriate opportunities for children to make choices and learn from their experiences, fostering a sense of responsibility and autonomy. Giving your child choices (when appropriate) can be incredibly powerful. For example, instead of saying “go clean your room right now or your grounded” try “you can clean your room now and get it done and out of the way, or I can set a timer for 10 min of rest and you can do it then, it’s your choice.” Ten minutes is not going to make or break the situation, let them have a semblance of control in a world where they have close to none!
8. Nurturing Emotional Intelligence: Emotional intelligence is a key component of gentle parenting. By recognizing and validating a child's emotions, parents help them understand and manage their feelings effectively. This, in turn, contributes to better self-regulation and social skills. So when you fast forward 20 years you’re not seeing your adult child throwing a temper tantrum by exploding on their partner or slamming doors when angry.
In the world of parenting, where various approaches exist and everyone has their own opinions about what you SHOULD be doing, gentle parenting stands out as a compassionate and respectful way to raise children. By focusing on understanding, connection, and positive guidance, it creates an environment where children can thrive emotionally, intellectually, and socially. Embracing gentle parenting is not just about raising well-behaved children; it's about nurturing their hearts and minds for a lifetime of healthy relationships and personal growth. I would ever tell someone what they HAVE to do with their children, but I will absolutely offer feedback and suggestions when asked. Remember, you fucking got this! ~Stef
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