Let’s talk about fitness and how I wasn’t always obsessed with working out! As a child, I was active, my parents allowed me to explore so many sports including dance, ice skating, swimming, gymnastics, cheerleading, and my favorite of all time, softball! I played softball the longest and I always played co-ed ball because I always preferred hanging out with dudes. I think it was truly because I felt like I wanted to prove I was just as good or just as strong or just as athletic. I met some of my best friends playing softball, summers were amazing and I miss that part of life. Okay, sorry, I digress! Back to fitness, despite playing sports and being active I was never about being “fit”, in high school I developed an eating disorder and became VERY thin, I was down to 115lbs and felt so damn accomplished. Looking at pictures from them I looked gaunt and like a skeleton. My mom had every right to call me out and be concerned but when she did, I was fucking pissed. I was in denial that anything was wrong despite eating maybe one meal a day, maybe reaching 800 calories or living off Slim Fast. My goal was to be small like all my friends. I got down to a size 2 and a 34C bra, for me that was TINY. I have literally had boobs since I was 8, no exaggeration. Needless to say, I wasn’t healthy. Fast forward several years, several diets later and getting pregnant. When I gave birth, I was a whopping 234lbs, I am 5’4” and have a very small torso and huge boobs which got even bigger when I was pregnant. I left the hospital weighing 212 lbs and at that point I had decided self-care was selfish I would never put myself first again, how wrong I was. I lost myself in motherhood. I put my son above everything and everyone. And emotionally, I still do, however, now I also put my needs first because self-care is not selfish it is fucking necessary. On May 20, 2015, I elected to have a breast reduction. I was always in pain, I couldn’t vacuum the house without the worst back pain ever, let alone even attempting to workout. I was a 40G and for anyone who knows anything about bra sizes, they were massive. I went in to surgery weighting 192 lbs and came out weighing 188! That’s right, they took 2+ pounds off each boob! It was the best decision I ever made for myself, I went down to a 38D and the rest is history!
Fast forward to August 2015 where a friend of mine asked if I wanted to be her accountability partner for a fitness program and for us to do it alongside one another, weekly check ins the whole nine. I was like “fuck it, what do I have to lose, let’s do it!” I came to realize there were muscles in my body that I never knew existed, I was sore AF, like walking, sitting down to pee, sitting in general all felt terrible. Changing my eating habits made me want to cry because I enjoyed eating and eating trash foods a lot. I wanted to give up, all the fucking time. But guess what, my stubborn ass was like, “nah bitch you got this cause in the end its gonna be so worth it.” And I lost 30 fucking pounds! I felt amazing! In 2016 I began taking lyra which is like yoga and trapeze work on a hoop, nothing made me feel stronger or more beautiful than lyra. I did it for a year and I miss it every day! In 2018 I discovered my love for running, lemme just tell you, despite playing softball for over 10 years, running was my LEAST favorite part. I was challenged by a personal trainer to try running, I did, then I tried a little more and tried a little more and pretty soon I was running upwards of 20+ miles a week. I know there are people who do that in a day, I’m aware, that’s not me though so the running I did was phenomenal for me! That year I ran five, 5k races from August to December starting with a Rugged Maniac as my first! Nothing made me prouder that crossing the finish line and getting that metal. I ran a tough pumpkin run where I ran the 5k while holding a pumpkin, then the next month I ran a Spooktakular run and PLACED with my best friend, she took first, I took second! Running became an obsession for me and I still love it, however, once I moved out of my marital home into my apartment, going downstairs for a run looked much different and is definitely not as easy. Needless to say, my fitness journey continues. I do run when I can, I lift heavy OFTEN, I incorporate dance fitness (I’m even a certified instructor), I do HITT, hot yoga, hiking, etc. I love pushing my body to see what she can handle and I love feeling strong! It’s not always easy, I am not always motivated, but I am determined to never be that woman who gave up on herself, never, ever again.
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