It’s January 1st, 2024, 6:09pm. I’m sitting at my laptop listening to an audio book and reflecting on what I would like 2024 to look like for me. If you know me, you know I don’t like to do things that are trendy, it makes my skin crawl, every time I go to create content, I try my best to create something that hasn’t been recycled 34832 times already. BUT, one thing I can get behind is the “in/out list” for 2024. I’ve never been one for New Year’s Resolutions, sure I have goals in mind, but I have never been one for resolutions. Now, identifying things I want more and less of, I can get down with that.
I turn 40 in about 11 weeks, and while age is just a number, I really do want to make this year the best one yet. 39 was roughhhhhhh to say the least, I experienced a lot last year that I didn’t anticipate but I made it through the year because I refuse to give up. I want to put more time and energy into having more experiences versus things, don’t get me wrong, I’ll still have things lol, but I want to experience more, travel more, go on more mom and son adventures, go exploring with friends, etc. I want to get back to hiking, I fucking love hiking and haven’t been in years. My soul is at peace when I hike, I need to prioritize it again. I want to decrease my phone usage, mainly mindless scrolling, if my month-long break from social media taught me anything, it’s that social media can be a very toxic feeding ground. It’s not like I didn’t already know that, but being away from it just solidified it for me. I also plan on unfollowing anyone whom I do not align with energetically, I don’t need to keep following accounts that irritate me or create feelings of imposter syndrome or inferiority. I’m pretty fucking dope, I don’t need social media convincing me otherwise!
I want to explore new ways to treat my depression and PMDD because those two things definitely tried to take me out last year. Sometimes it was debilitating, and not in the “I can’t get out of bed” way but in the “I can’t stand myself right now, I should not be around other people” way. I would not answer messages and not plan things for fear that I would be unpleasant company, I know that is a cognitive error because I also know I tend to feel better when I can be around people who make me laugh and who’s company I enjoy. There were months where I was so miserable, each and every day was exhausting. I know that I can go back on antidepressants, and I have thought about it quite a bit, I think that at this point I want to try and eliminate things I know make things worse and see if that helps. I want less negative self-talk and more grace and compassion. I want to give myself the empathy, grace and compassion I give my clients/family/friends. Contrary to what my brain tells me, I deserve those things too.
I want to do more things that light my soul on fire, I want to grow in my business while also decreasing my work hours, I want to add to my income like I’ve done the last (nearly) four years of entrepreneurship. I want to focus more on continuing education to grow as a clinician. I want to show up MORE in vulnerability instead of shutting down in sadness/anger or even worse, lashing out. I have come a long way in the last 6ish years regarding vulnerability, but I also know I have a way to go and that’s okay. I want to explore other avenues for income, passive or active without burning out and exhausting myself.
I have goals, I have intentions, I have fears. But I refuse to do is go into year 40, 2024, with the same stank energy I left in 2023. The last 7 months of 2023 had so many ups while also having, what felt like, endless downs. I accept what happened in 2023, and I am leaving it there. I cannot change what happened, I can’t unfeel what I felt, but I can accept it for what it is and allow myself the emotional freedom to move on. I hope you can do the same. Remember, you fucking got this! ~ Stef
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