Man, I will be the first one to say I have met some of my best friends on the internet! If you would have asked me if that was possible 6 years ago, I would have laughed in your face. I was that elder millennial who said “you can’t have real relationships online” simply because growing up all of my social interactions were in person or via a phone call, where you actually talked to people….GASP! I know, crazy right?! Once I was on my own, in the process of a divorce and making my presence more known on social media, I started to develop real relationships and connections with people. Mainly women, and to be honest, those connections didn’t come easy to me. Not to be the typical cliché, but growing up it was always easier to be friends with dudes. I have my handful of girlfriends whom I held very close, but even those had their ups and downs. I never had a falling out with a male friend over “drama”. Did I have falling outs because partners did not approve of our friendship? Yes, and that fucking sucked, but it was never drama between me and my friend.

Over the years, my Instagram has shown all sides of me, and Instagram is where I announced I was starting my own business and it’s where I shared my ups and downs with the world. There have been plenty of times where Instagram was a fun place for me to be. Exchanging funny memes and reels with friends, finding MORE books to add to my NEVER ENDING TBR, and even having business related conversations. Over the last few months, I have noticed a dramatic decline in my mood and affect. Is social media completely to blame? No. I have Major Depressive Disorder, PMDD and OCD and my mind can feel like a terrible trap sometimes. But I have noticed more times than not, social media irritates me. The amount of content I DO NOT resonate with or agree with is UNREAL. I’m sure you’re thinking, “duh Stef, just block them” and hear me out, I do or I hit the unfollow button, but the shit is all over the place and sometimes it feels like I’m being fed shit I do not want to see.

I already have an emotionally charged career and coming on to social media to see misinformation being constantly spread, people providing diagnostic criteria to the masses for them to determine if they have XYZ diagnosis, or even people calling themselves coaches without any training. That is dangerous and inappropriate. I find myself constantly checking my Instagram and it’s becoming embarrassing how often I feel the need to check it. I could check my DMs, scroll for 10 min, put my phone down, read for 10 min and feel the need to reopen Instagram. In my head I’m like “bitch, you just checked it, put it down.” Many of you know, I am a huge advocate for the book Atomic Habits where he breaks down how to stop negative/ineffective habits and how to strengthen or build positive/effective habits. Here is my plan.
I have already set the precedent to all current and future clients that any and all communication regarding services/treatment will be done through email/my website and I will no longer be having those conversations via Instagram. The next step will be to make the habit inconvenient, the more inconvenient the habit is, the less likely I will engage in it, so I will take Instagram off of my phone! Here’s the thing, I will not leave Instagram forever, I do cherish the relationships I have made on there and I do enjoy putting out content. However, I have lost my grip and need to refocus myself so I can come back and utilize Instagram as a tool for my business versus a crutch for my burnout. My plan is to take a month off from Instagram, will it be hard? Yeah probably, I have been posting my workouts daily for the last 4 years, it’s an engrained daily ritual, but guess what? My workouts will still be completed, and they will be completed for me and without video proof. You know how much time I’ll save?!
All in all, while I am somewhat anxious about this break, some of my cognitive errors have been “what if you lose potential clients? What if the podcast listens take a nosedive? What if my clients get upset, they can’t contact me via DMs?” Here is the thing, all of those are anxiety-based thoughts WITHOUT merit. I cannot control any of that. Ultimately, this is a much-needed boundary I am setting for myself to ensure that I am the best possible provider I can be. I feel confident in my decision and excited to see how I feel when I can put way more focus into myself and work on repairing the systems, I have in place that need repairing. See y’all on the flipside and hey, perhaps I’ll write more blog posts while I’m on my hiatus, or maybe I’ll write that book I’ve always wanted to write! Thanks for reading and always supporting me. ~Stef
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