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“Yeah, But it’s Just So Hard”…..

Writer's picture: Stefanie PalmerStefanie Palmer

If I hear this statement one more time, I’m gonna lose it!!!!! Hear me out…..as a psychotherapist, I hear a plethora of things DAILY. But one CONSTANT statement I hear, MULTIPLE times a day is… “yeah but it’s just so hard”. I am here to tell you that LIFE IS FUCKING HARD! That is not to say I will not validate you if you are overwhelmed, HOWEVER, if time and time again we are making attempts to make changes or problem solve and instead of actions, you come at me with “yeah but like, that’s hard”, I am going to challenge you. CHOOSE YOUR HARD. Clearly you sought out therapy or mentorship because you want or need a change. Okay, cool, let’s do it! But if you are seeking services with the intention of complaining hoping I will agree with you, I’m not the one boo. You can choose to stay where your at, feeling stuck, frustrated, lots of negative self talk and sadness….OR you can do the hard work to challenge those thoughts and take control back for YOURSELF!



I can talk about this until I am blue in the face, there is a time and a place for supportive therapy where people just need a safe place to express themselves for sure. But the way I work, is that I view it as you are coming to me to make changes because what you are doing is no longer working for you and you want better for yourself. Well, boo, that takes work. It takes effort to truly look inside and ask yourself the hard fucking truths about things. I will GLADLY be that person to challenge you and say “okay, but how do you really feel?” I can tell when clients are trying to front, I WAS that person who would act like I didn’t give a fuck, when really, I was screaming inside but didn’t want to be vulnerable. In my 30s, I decided enough was e-fucking-nough, and I said “fuck it, time to get real” and I started being vulnerable with my close circle and guess what? Things changed. Was it easy? Fuck no, it was and still is (sometimes) terrifying. But when you go into a conversation being vulnerable without any expectations of an outcome, shit changes. You come to realize you are communicating your feelings for YOU and not for a specific outcome, because guess what, you can’t predict the outcome or how someone will respond to you, so instead focus on what you do have control over, YOUR FUCKING SELF!



I say all of this to say, CHOOSE YOUR HARD. Sure, you can become complacent with where you’re at and continue to stay stuck, that’s hard. Or, you can do the hard work, you can journal DAILY, you can challenge your thoughts on paper, DAILY, you can ask yourself the hard fucking questions and you can be vulnerable and open, DAILY. And once those behaviors become your norm, it’s no longer hard work. Its self-fucking-care! You fucking got this!

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